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TransBOREmores / Star Wars: the Groan Wars (Transcript)
'TransBOREmores ' begins with Optimus Prime spinning Optimus Prime: I am Optimus Prime and I send this message to all Autobots. If you need to refuge, or just a place to crash for a few days, you can-- Sam Witwicky: Optimus! Stop inviting giant robots to stay at my house. Optimus Prime: I didn't invite any robots. Sam Witwicky: Really? I don't remember buying 7 new cars and parking them in my living room. Cars: out Escuse us, I'll just leave, Adios, Oh boy. turns into a transformer and breaks oranges and plant. Transformer runs to Sam and pulls down his pants. Radio Transformer: laughs Sam Witwicky: All right, that's it. You know, you need to get out of here. It was fine when you were saving the earth and all but it's-- Optimus Prime: What's that? The Decepticons are up to something really, really important this time. They want the uh.. at Dwayne Johnson poster Rock of.. at Ke$ha poster No Talent-Tron. Legend says its in some exotic place, maybe Paris. I always wanted to go to Paris. Sam Witwicky: Go by yourself. I'm not helping you chase down another random robo-trinket. turns into a transformer and grabs Sam. Sam Witwicky: Fine. How are we getting to Paris? Optimus Prime: By the power of your dad's wallet. Sam Witwicky: Uhh. This is getting kind of boring. (Title Card: Trans-Bore-Mores) Plays and scene goes to Optimus and Sam in Paris Sam Witwicky: Ok. Do I really need to pay for your flights. I mean, He's a jet for crying out loud. Jet: Oops-a-daisy! Optimus Prime: Autobots, roll out! Seek good souvenirs and fine cheeses. Sam Witwicky: And the Rock of No-Talent Tron. Right? Optimus Prime: Sure. Why not? climbs on the table and pulls out a bill Optimus Prime: throat Sam Witwicky: Groans changes to Hawaii with Hawaiian music playing Sam Witwicky: So the Eiffel Tower told you the rock is at my parents' time share in Hawaii? Optimus Prime: He's one of our most trusted elders, Sam. We don't question it. on coconut drink Sam Witwicky: Speaking of "we", who are these guys? Are they even Trans-Bore-Mores? I mean, I think he's just a car. Mater: Tater salad. Sam Witwicky: And that's just a guy doing the robot. E. Neuman does the robot with hip hop music playing Optimus Prime: Sam, two worlds at risk, trust is the most precious resource. Are you with us? Sam Witwicky: Sure. Optimus Prime: Great. Be a pal and get me another coconut mist, will you? Sam Witwicky: All right, forget it. We're going home. changes back at Sam's house, which is having a party with robots while disco music plays Sam Witwicky: How did they get in my house? Optimus Prime: Maybe they found the key under the mat. Sam Witwicky: There is no key under the mat. Optimus Prime: Then it's probably that giant hole in your wall. changes to a Robot-like hole appearing in the wall, Sam's eyes open wide Sam Witwicky: OK, everyone and everything that is a robot, get out. leaving desk, lamp and couch turn into transformers and leave too Random Robot: Bye-bye. Random Robot 2: Let's go over to Voltron's. Megatron: Hey, bro, thanks for letting me borrow your "Iron Giant" DVD. I really-- Optimus Prime: Chill, man. there's a human here. Megatron: Oh, sorry, I mean,'' prepare to die, Prime''! shine Optimus Prime: You'll never win, Megatron! Transformers go to each other. TING. PLINK. Megatron: Yeah, you beat me. See ya. walks out through the kitchen's wall making another hole in the wall. Optimus Prime: Wow. That was close. Good thing you're letting us live among you, or else he would have captured the magical tree of-- Sam Witwicky: I thought it was a rock. Optimus Prime: Huh? (Title Card: Trans-Bore-Mores) 'See-saw Fail' Boy: (While falling) ...AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! Oof. 'EPhonie cRap ' Announcer: Let's say you've eaten a large Mexican meal before a long drive home. There's a crap for that. BHHT! (Through the ePhonie) Announcer: Or you have one of those bathrooms that's within earshot of the people sitting in the living room. There is a crap for that. BHHT! (Through the bathroom) Announcer: Or you go to a birthday party and discover you shouldn't be having dairy. Well, there is a crap for that too. BHHT! (Through the ePhonie again) Announcer: Yep, there is a crap for just about anything. The new ePhonie. It's all crap. BHHHHHHHHHHHT! (Through the screen after the title.) 'MAD Ask the Celebrity ' Announcer: And now it's time for Ask a Celebrity. Mila: Dear Miley Cyrus, Do you do anything special to prepare for a big show? -Mila, California Miley Cyrus: To insure an electric performance, I rub cats on my feet and walk on a wool carpet. Zeb: Dear Simon Cowell, Why are you always so grouchy? -Zeb, Colorado Simon Cowell: Because my shoes are made of porcupines. Zeb: But why are the porcupines so grouchy? Porcupine: Because we got Simon Cowell on our backs. Scott: Dear Shaun White, How did you get your hair so long? -Scott, Long Island Shaun White: Every morning I start fresh by putting putty dough in my chest and lowering my arms. [http://maditsmadfunny.wikia.com/wiki/MAD_News MAD News.] 'MAD News' MAD News Anchor: We interupt this program with breaking news. An octopus is trying to open a jar of peanut butter. Octopus: (Grunts while trying to open the jar of peanut butter) MAD News Anchor: Peanut butter, is it worth it? We now return you to your regularly scheduled program! 'Doogie Air' Dog: (Waves tounge out) People: (Screaming) 'How I Met My Brother ' Narrator: What if you met someone who walked, talked, and looked just like you... but wasn't you? (Dramatic music) Brother #1: Who are you? Brother #1 & #2: *Gasp* Mom: He's your brother, you idiot! Narrator: It's the season premiere of How I Met My Brother! Brother #1 & #2: AAAAAAAAAAHHH!! Brother #1: You do look a lot like me. Dad: You're twin brothers, What don't you guys understand? Narrator: And it's a special day for everyone. Mom and Dad: Happy Birthday Brother #2: It's my birthday! Brother #1: It can't be. It's my birthday! Brother #2: Am I in some kind of alternate reality? Brother #1: *blinks* Mom and Dad: You're brothers! Dog: *Barks* Brother #1 & #2: We're what? Cat: *Meows* Brother #1 & #2: We're what? Narrator: How I Met My Brother...Is canceled. 'Jargle Germ Audition' Announcer: Jargle: It kills the germs that cause bad breath. Germ: (Pretending to Die and making dying noises) Man: Ah, thank you. We-we'll call you. Germ: I don't know what you people want man, that's exactaly what it sounds like when a germ gets killed. Ah, I didn't go to four years of Juiliar for nothing. 'The Wolverclean ' Wolverine: Has this ever happened to you? Or this? punch Wolverine: Hi, I'm Wolverine and if their's one thing I hate, is cleaners that don't do their jobs. That's why I designed The Wolverclean. A revolutionary new glove that'll make fighting dirt extra easy. With its three grime-fighting attachment, you'll be able to scrub... snikt screams brush... snikt screams and buffer. Aah! Take the car, man! Don't hurt me! Wolverine: But don't just take my word for it, listen to these true believers. Iron Man: I love it. My armor's the shiniest it has ever been. Mr. Fantastic: It's fantastic. The Wolverclean got into areas even I couldn't reach. Magneto: I hate it, it punctured my armor and nearly sliced my arm off. Wait that was Wolverine. What did you say? The Wolverclean? Oh, oh, oh I love the Wolverclean. Wolverine: Plus, if you decide to keep it, I'll send you the Wolversteam. It can get out all of your toughest stains. Urrh? Wolverine: Remember, I'm the best at what I do and what I do is clean your house. The Wolverclean, on sale now. 'Spacenook' Alien 1: Hey, this is kinda awkward to ask, but... why did you de-friend me on Spacenook? Alien 2: Well, because you wrote "BLOODEEDOODEEDOOWAHA!" on my wall. Dude, my mom reads my wall. 'The Zit ' Boy: (Trying to squeeze zit making squeaking sounds) (Zit pops and out comes a lot of gross stuff) Boy: Aaah! 'Spy vs. Spy' (Black Spy pushes a big stick of dynamite in back of White Spy. White Spy cuts of the light fo the dynamite.) White Spy: (Laughs) (But a lion comes out of it and attacks White Spy) Lion: (Roars) White Spy: Aaah! Black Spy: (Laughs) 'Batman Alarm Clock' (Alarm clock beeps) Batman: (Grunts and moves in bed) (Batman turns off clock and goes back to sleep) Batman: Five more minutes 'Star Wars: the Groan Wars ' [Title Card: Star Wars: the Groan Wars] USING A FAX, DOCUMENTS SHOULD BE PLACED FACING UP Announcer: Bounty hunters, enemy fighters and fancy CGI can't save these characters from looking just as wooden as Pinocchio... picture appears Announcer: ... Who, on a secret mission, leads the Jedi against the evil Count Poo Poo. Count Poo Poo: You have learned much, Master Occhio. Pinocchio: I'm full of surprises, Poo Poo. nose turns big and into a lightsaber Count Poo Poo: I take it that's a lie. and Count Poo Poo duel Poo Poo slashes Pinocchio's lines, and down goes Gepetto's puppet goes to Geppetto Geppetto: Italian Accent Ah, no, Pinocchio! Why you no have more midi-chlorinis? goes back to Pinocchio, who is lying down, and Count Poo Poo droids appear at door Count Poo Poo: Take him away. Then give Poo Poo a nice diagonal wipe. on cue, scene goes to Obi-Wan Kenobi with two clones Obi-Wan Kenobi: Rex, we've got to get those plans. Spot: Yeah, I'm actually Spot. That's Rex. Obi-Wan Kenobi: Oh sorry, Spot. Checkers: Actually, I'm Checkers. Obi-Wan Kenobi: Ugh. I hate working with clones. cuts the door with his lightsaber in Ghostbusters logo style door goes down Obi-Wan Kenobi: Give it up, Poo Poo. Your army is on its last legs. Count Poo Poo: pool... with his lightsaber Says who? Obi-Wan Kenobi: Well, for starters, that last battle droid is just a repurposed Spell & Check. Spell & Check: Spell "Coruscant". C-- & Check's face gets shot off Count Poo Poo: This is where Poo Poo starts to run. Poo runs away under blaster fire Obi-Wan Kenobi: Manakin, Poo Poo's escaping. goes to Manakin and Sudoku Manakin: Sudoku! Sudoku: Yes, Master? Manakin: Prepare to catch Poo Poo. Sudoku: Ughh. I hate his name, but I love lasagna. Bad Name: Wait 'til you get a load of me. Sudoku: ... I think the gardener's here. Bad Name: I'm the bounty hunter known as Bad Name. Manakin: I'm guessing "Bad Outfit" was already taken. Bad Name: Mocking "I'm guessing Bad Outfit was already taken!" Manakin: Old Jedi mind trick. Bad Name: It wasn't a Jedi mind trick. I was clearly mocking you. But I am free for landscaping and general lawn care. No? Not interested? Then die! Name starts to fight Manakin and Sudoku goes to Poo Poo running and talking to Palpatine who appears as a hologram. Palpatine: What's the news, Poo Poo? Count Poo Poo: Actually, you're in the potato salad. Palpatine: What?! Oh, gross. Splat Did you g-get the plan? Count Poo Poo: Uh. My lord, you seem to be breaking up a bit. Palpatine: real life Huh? Oh, sorry. I'm... microwaving a burrito. Count Poo Poo: Not to worry, my lord. Soon, the entire galaxy will be yours to rule. Palpatine: to hologram Rule? Who wants to rule it? I want to'' own'' it. You have any idea what the toy rights are worth? Count Poo Poo: Then what are these plans for? Palpatine: Duh. An amusement park! goes to Palpatine dancing with techno beat near Six Fetts Star Wars Mountain. Count Poo Poo: But what about the Senate and the-- Palpatine: Blah, blah, blah. That's a day job. The real money's in marketing. Luckily, my other clone army has been much more productive. Count Poo Poo: What "other clone army"? goes back to the trio of Sudoku, Manakin, and Obi-Wan Manakin: Oh, no. Look. (Scene goes to George clone army) Georgetroopers. Georgetrooper: You, take their lightsabers. You, create a video game. You, make an animated sitcom. I want a bounty hunter clothing line by the end of the week. Mannequin: I've got a bad feeling about this. Obi-Wan Kenobi: You and the rest of the universe. George Lucas: (Talking to a droid) Take 'em away. Droid: Roger roger. Buster: Actually, that's Roger. I'm Buster. Sparky: No, I'm Sparky. Sudoku: Ughh... I hate mondays! ends with Palpatine dancing at bottom right corner with techno beat playing. '5-second Cartoon' (From The Zit) (Boy keeps squeezing zit making squeaking sounds) Category:Transcripts